Can't Cry Hard Enough
by QuietRaine
Summary: We know they were reunited on the Lunar Base shortly before Squall and crew arrived, but what did Ellone tell Laguna when she saw him? My version of their reunion and conversation. Title is inspired by the song I was listening to when I wrote this. One


Now that you're gone,

I can't cry hard enough.

No I can't cry hard enough,

For you to hear me now.

"Mr. President? There is a pod approaching with an unidentified occupant. Should we catch it?"

Estharian president Laguna Loire looked up from the console he was reading to look at the Lunar Base scientist, Piet. He shot the man a slightly amused look. "Naw, you should let it drift out into space forever!" he replied a tad sarcastically, a smirk tugging at his lips. Shaking his head, Laguna nodded in the direction of the control console. "Of course we should catch it! Who else is it going to belong to out here but us?"

Astutely, Laguna ignored Piet muttering good-naturedly under his breath. He maintained a good but slightly unorthodox relationship with his staff. While most presidents would demand respect and formal reverence from the people that he led, Laguna enjoyed more casual relationships with all of the citizens of Esthar. That, along with his charisma, charm, and easy-going personality, had made Laguna one of the most popular presidents that Esthar had ever had.

Laguna quickly became once again engrossed in the console before him, so much so that he barely noticed when Piet left to greet the pod. "So how are you doing, Miss Adel?" Laguna muttered to himself, reading over the information that the computer offered him on Adel's Tomb. Every year for seventeen years he had made this journey, overseeing himself the inspection of the Tomb, assuring both himself and the citizens of Esthar that Adel was still safely sealed away. He considered it his personal responsibility.

If he bothered to examine it deep-down, he might realize that it was also his personal revenge. Adel had taken so, so much from him; in some twisted way, it gave him a deep measure of satisfaction to take something precious from her.

"Mr. President?" Again Piet's voice interrupted his thoughts. This time, the scientist sounded puzzled. "Mr. Seagill sent a message with this visitor, instructing us to bring her straight to you. And she is quite insistent on seeing you."

Intrigued, Laguna slid out of his chair and stood, turning to face the doorway. Piet held a confused look on his face, and stepped aside. Behind him stood an almost-shy looking young woman with dark hair and eyes. She wore a blue and white dress, a green shawl draped over her slim shoulders. For an instant, she seemed almost in shock when she saw him, but then she quickly recovered. A smile slowly spread over her lovely face, and Laguna noted tears welling up in the corner of her eyes.

Unfortunately, he didn't have a clue who she was. Shifting a bit uncomfortably, he shifted his weight and scratched the back of his neck, "Um… Can I help you, miss?"

The young woman let out a short, choking laugh, and wiped a tear from her cheek. "I guess," she said, sniffling a bit, "that I look a bit different than I did the last time you saw me… Uncle Laguna."

Laguna froze. His green eyes widened as he stared at her, shock reverberating through his body. Unsteadily, he took two steps toward her. "Ellone?" he whispered, almost afraid to believe it was really her. Happiness filling her eyes, she nodded enthusiastically.

Letting out a whoop of joy, Laguna closed the short distance between them and swept her up into a tight hug, almost afraid to let her go ever again. Ellone closed her arms around his neck and held onto him just as tightly. The two silently held each other, both a little teary eyed, for several long moments, making Piet and several other members of the Lunar Base Crew uncomfortable.

Finally, Laguna released her and stepped back. "Let me look at you," he said, grinning goofily. He stepped back and looked her over. "Hyne, you got bigger!" he said, shaking his head incredulously.

Ellone giggled. "I should think so," she replied, returning the grin. "I was four the last time you saw me."

Pain tugged at Laguna's heart. The last time he'd seen her was when he'd sent her home to Winhill; and he hadn't seen her since.

He cleared his throat, and for the first time noticed that an assortment of assistants and scientists were staring at them rather curiously. "Uh… Let's go talk in private," he said, taking her by the arm and steering her out of the room. "We have a lot to catch up on. Piet?" he called over his shoulder as an afterthought as he passed through the doorway. "Unless Adel decides to take a vacation – which I don't see happening – don't let anyone disturb me for a while, okay?"

And with that, Laguna and Ellone left the room. He directed her up a set of stairs and into a private room. Sealing the door, he gestured for her to sit down.

Enthralled by her surroundings, Ellone took her time and took in the room, including the spectacular view of space from the window. Laguna couldn't take his eyes off of her. He had spent years looking for the little girl he had come to love as his own, and part of him was almost afraid to believe that this was real; that it wasn't a dream.

Finally, Ellone sat down and looked at him. "So, Kiros tells me that you're the president of Esthar. How in the world did that happen?"

A bit embarrassed, Laguna flushed and glanced out the window at the world below. "It was kind of an accident," he admitted, scratching his head. "Once I sent you back, and Adel was overthrown, I wasn't really paying close attention to what everyone was talking about. And, the next thing I knew, they were making me president!" He shrugged. "It's an interesting job, and I've met a lot of interesting people. Some days I'd rather just be a regular guy again, though."

Ellone chuckled. "That's what you get for not paying attention," she said, shaking her head.

They laughed together for a minute, but gradually Laguna's laughter faded. "You can't know how good it is to see you," he finally said. "I looked for you for so long. The folks in Winhill," he paused, shrugging off a painful memory. Clearing his throat, he continued. "They told me that they sent you to an orphanage. I searched every single one I could find, but no one seemed to know a thing about you."

Ellone shifted uncomfortably. Restlessly, she folded her arms over her chest and walked over to the window, gazing silently out of it. What she had to tell Laguna was probably the most difficult thing she would ever have to tell him.

"You deserve to know what happened back then," she said, quietly. "I've been reliving a lot of it lately, and I've finally pieced everything together myself." Ellone was quiet for a moment, gathering her thoughts. "I've rehearsed several times how to tell you this, but I'm still not sure how I'm going to get it out."

A sinking feeling hit the pit of Laguna's gut. Whatever she had to tell him, it obviously wasn't good. "Start at the beginning," he encouraged. "I sent you to Winhill…"

Ellone nodded quickly, her gaze still focused out the window. "I left Esthar and arrived in Winhill several days later. When my escort dropped me off…" she paused. This was more difficult than she thought it would be. "I found a surprise. A big surprise."

Laguna tilted his head. "A surprise?"

She nodded again, and sighed. "When I arrived at the pub, I found that Raine was… Well… She was pregnant."

The world around him seemed to stop. Laguna felt very much like he'd been punched in the stomach. All of the air rushed from his lungs, and he had the distinct feeling he was going to be sick.

"Pregnant?" he finally managed in a very strangled-sounding voice.

Miserably, Ellone turned to face him and nodded. "Yes," she replied softly. "She was pretty far along too. More than eight months."

_Eight months…_ the thought swirled through Laguna's now clouded brain. _The exact amount of time I'd been gone._

"She was overjoyed to find that I was still alive, and even more excited to hear that you were too. I told her exactly what you had asked me to: that you would be back for us just as soon as you were sure that Adel would never hurt us again."

Ellone continued, the story coming easier with every word. "Several weeks passed, however, and no word for you. Raine watched every day, but nothing. And then one day, she went into labor…"

She spared him the details. How Raine had called for him over and over again. Asking for him. Begging for him. She knew that it would absolutely destroy Laguna to know that.

"Complications set in," she continued instead. "The midwife wasn't able to handle things on her own, so she sent for the doctor. He did everything he could but…" Ellone trailed off.

"But she died," Laguna whispered, hoarsely.

Wiping tears from her cheeks, Ellone nodded.

Looking up at her desperately, Laguna spoke. "And the baby?"

Crossing over to him, Ellone knelt in front of Laguna and took his shaking hands in hers. Through the tears on her cheeks, she smiled. "He was just fine."

_He…_ The word echoed through Laguna's mind and heart. A boy. A son.

"What the townspeople didn't tell you," Ellone said gently, "is that there were two children sent to the orphanage: me, and the baby boy that Raine had given birth to. A son that she had named Squall. The townspeople gave him Raine's maiden name, and shipped us off to an orphanage."

Squall Leonheart. Laguna let the name tumble around in his head for a moment. His son.

"I stayed with him as long as I could," Ellone continued. "I had promised Raine that I'd take care of him. After a while, though, my powers made it too dangerous for me to stay at the orphanage, and I was sent away. Squall was four at the time. I never saw him again."

She stopped, stood, and then crossed over to another chair and sat down. Her dark eyes rested on Laguna, who was listening with wide, shocked, green eyes. "Until recently, that is," she added.

"A few weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to really see what happened back then. And so, I started sending Squall back… into you. He could see your experiences through your eyes."

Recognition dawned in Laguna's eyes. "Kiros… Ward… We all thought it was faeries, helping us in battle."

Ellone smiled. "In reality, it was Squall and his friends being sent back in time so that he could see your life through your eyes."

She continued. "A couple of weeks ago, I ran across him for the first time in thirteen years. He didn't remember me at all, though I'd never forget those big eyes of his. Our meeting was only brief, but it was enough for me that I was able to see him again."

Her eyes met Laguna's, and she had the distinct impression that he was about to break down. "You'd be proud of him," she said, softly. "I know I was. He's solid, strong, a natural-born leader… he's the acting commander of SeeD, an elite mercenary group out of an organization called Garden. He and his friends and colleagues are fighting to protect the world from the sorceress." She grinned. "If anyone can do it, it's him."

Silently, she reached into the pocket of her dress and withdrew a small piece of paper. Carefully, she handed it to Laguna who accepted it with trembling hands. "I thought," she said, almost shyly, "that you might like to see a picture of him."

Laguna felt like he was in a dream as he accepted the photo and gazed down at it. The photo was of a stern-looking, unsmiling young man in a black, leather, fur-trimmed jacket. A gunblade was slung over one shoulder. It only took Laguna an instant, however, to see a familiar resemblance, despite the serious face.

"He looks like Raine," he murmured, tracing a finger alongside the picture. Laguna closed his eyes and lowered his head, fighting for control against the emotions that swirled within him. Sorrow. Anger. Disbelief. All of them threatened to overtake him.

For seventeen years, he'd had a son that he hadn't even known about. A son who had grown up not knowing either of his parents. Both of them had been robbed, cruelly, by fate and by the twisted, selfish desires of a maddened sorceress. Laguna swallowed hard, fighting against tears of remorse and anger. It shouldn't have happened that way. He and Raine should have raised their little family in peace and quiet in Winhill. And now, because of Adel's selfishness and his own stupidity, all of them had lost out.

Despite the tears pricking his eyes, he abruptly bolted to his feet, startling Ellone. Striding over to the window, he allowed his furious gaze to rest on Adel, cold and silent in space. "Bitch!" he shouted, furiously. "If you weren't already dead, I'd probably kill you!"

"Laguna," Ellone said, softly. She walked over to him and slid her arms comfortingly around his waist as he braced his hands on the windowsill and looked down, fighting to control himself.

"She took so much from me," he said. "If it weren't for her, I would have stayed. I'd have never have left. But she took you, and I went looking for you. Because of her, I wasn't there. And because of her, I lost my wife, and I never knew I even had a son! If it wasn't for her, Raine might still be here!"

"She might," Ellone agreed, resting her chin on his shoulder and looking out the window at Adel. She shivered, remembering the time she had spent with Adel years before. "But we'll never know. I've found that we can't change the past. I tried so, so hard. All we have is the present, which can impact the future."

Gently, she pulled the dejected Laguna away from the window. "And you have a son that you now have the chance to get to know. Focus on that, not on what might have been."

Laguna wouldn't look at her. In fact, he slammed his eyes shut so that he wouldn't have to. "I should have been there, Elle. She needed me, and I let her down."

"Hey," she said, shaking him gently. "Don't you start blaming yourself. This was NOT your fault, Uncle Laguna," she said softly.

His eyes raised to look out the window again. He wanted so much to believe that Ellone was right, but he still couldn't help but feel that he'd let Raine, Squall, and Ellone all down. "Yeah… I know," he said to placate her, blinking against the tears in his eyes. "This is just a lot for a guy to take in," he admitted, rubbing at one eye with his palm.

Ellone smiled sadly and hugged him tightly. "I know. It is for me too."

* * *

"Do you think they'll really come?" Laguna asked hopefully for the fifth time in ten minutes.

Kiros gave a long-suffering sigh. "I don't know, man. The kid I spoke with said that he had to check with his commander, and they'd get back with us."

"…"

"Ward says to get your pants out of a knot, and help us come over here and figure out what to do about the Lunar Cry," Kiros added, gesturing to the paperwork spread across the presidential desk.

Laguna sighed and reluctantly stepped over to look at the map Kiros had out. His mind wasn't on the task, though. So much was happening at once. The Lunatic Pandora. The Lunar Cry. Adel's release from imprisonment. The Sorceress Rinoa's release by none other than his own son.

Only Kiros, Ward, and Ellone knew that Squall Leonheart was his son. And now Ellone was missing too. When they had realized that Squall and his friends had been the ones to release Rinoa, Kiros had put in a call to them, asking to hire SeeD for a mission to defeat the Sorceress Ultimecia once and for all. They had no idea if their proposal would be accepted.

"Mr. President?" the voice of one of his aides floated into the room from an intercom on his desk.

"Yes?" Laguna replied, sounding a bit hesitant. Esthar was in a state of emergency, and he'd been flooded with messages from his staff for the last several hours. Everyone was looking to him for answers, and he still wasn't 100 sure of what to do.

"The ship Ragnarok has just requested clearance to land. They have been given that clearance, per Mr. Seagill's request, and their crew is heading toward the palace now."

Laguna's heart skipped a beat. Swallowing hard, he nodded. "Thanks," he replied, his voice sounding amazingly steady. "Just send them on in when they get here."

"That's good," Kiros said, thoughtfully, eyeing the map. "Then we have a hope of pulling this plan off."

"…"

"Ward says that it just might be our only hope," Kiros added.

But Laguna wasn't really listening. Silently, he stepped over to the window, folded his arms over his chest, and looked out over the city. Kiros and Ward exchanged knowing looks. They had known Laguna long enough and well enough to know that their half-baked plan wasn't the only thing on his mind.

Half of his mind was running over and over the plan that they had concocted for defeating Ultimecia. The other half of his mind was wondering just how this encounter was going. A nervous flutter filled Laguna's stomach, and he fought against a cramp that began to rise in his leg. As much to keep his mind occupied as anything, he began rehearsing what he would say when SeeD arrived. Even talking to himself, he was unable to speak without using his hands.

He became so involved in his one-man rehearsal that he didn't hear the doors slide open. Kiros and Ward, however, both looked up. Three teenagers walked into the room. Kiros kept his expression neutral, but even he would admit that it was a bit of a shock to see how many reminders of the past the group's obvious leader brought to him.

Ward stepped over to the window and tapped Laguna, still absorbed in his rehearsals, on the shoulder. He looked up, startled. "…"

"Oh sure," he said, slightly embarrassed to have been caught. Ward stepped back around the desk. Laguna paused for a second, took a deep breath, and turned around to face their visitors.

His eyes immediately rested on Squall. He fought hard to keep his expression friendly and neutral. Seeing a photo was one thing; seeing his son in the flesh for the first time was something entirely different. The resemblance to Raine was even more striking in person. Unconsciously, Laguna bit his lip. He couldn't give himself away; not now. Squall was about to face the most difficult test of his young life. If he were to know the truth now, it would only distract him. No, he would wait; wait until this entire mess was cleared up, and then he would take some time to sit his son down and talk to him, tell him the story that Ellone had told him.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped from behind his desk to greet his son for the first time.

"Hey there!" he greeted, cheerfully. "Been waiting to meet you guys!"


End file.
